2012.5.26

This thursday ...

Just finished mid year exam and having lunch with ANN
at Puchong Yong Tau Fu .
First time he eat this and feel nice
Then...something happen

I SAW MY CAR MIRROR HAVE A PIECE OF PAPER...
KENA SAMAN !

First time in my life!
........

I really feel very scared and sad that time

Dunno what to do ..

only thing I can do is...act happy infront others

After back home...

I cry infront younger sister..

she asked me what happening...

I just keep quiet

After they dinner at outside

I'm alone at home..

I cry , I cry loudly ...

I feel regret , waste family money 

Sumore saw on call 36 

Cry more

This few day ,

I feel hopeless

I feel lonely

I feel useless

I feel nobody 

Every negative thing came out in my brain 

Ya, he said don't negative thinking

But I'm tired to be a human !

Others said why so stupid do this and that

BUt did they asked why I do this ?

Everyday ,I exercise 

Even how tired , I exercise

why ?
I wan slim ! 

why ?

I hate ppl said i'm fat 

I'm gemuk

I'm elephant

why ?

NObody like fat girl

I tried bulimia before..

Nobody know

Why i do this ? 

I know that I'm stupid

but I really cant control myself

Everytime after eat full , I feel that I'm fat

I wanna like Girls Generation

Didt they know the feeling?

Everyday I show my happy face ,

Am I happy ?

I dont know...

Am I acting ? 

I dont know...

I'm tired, tired to do everything

Tired to make other happy 

Tired...Tired to be like this

Am I rude?

Am I fat?

Am I stupid?

Am I ugly?

Am I useless?

Only thing I can do now...CHANGE